luciazephyr: Book of the Still, the time traveler's lifeline (Default)
I hate when Mum rents games for me to play without asking first.

HERE'S A GREAT IDEA FOR A GAME

There's NO STORY. Not even a lick of VA work involved. And even though you have four characters to play as, the variation is purely cosmetic since, lacking any gameplay or personality differences, they are are just the most basic of palette swaps!

And as for gameplay, oh boy! Let's have EXTREMELY linear paths with no variation to them and punish the players for trying to climb on things by having them fall to their deaths a lot! And it can be FORCED PERSPECTIVE WITH FIXED CAMERA. Oh yeah, and since EVERYTHING IS SO COLORFUL and there are NO TEXTURES TO SPEAK OF, it'll be nigh-impossible to figure out where the player is on the stage until they find themselves magically instakilled.

Speaking of no textures, since everything has the same shiny opaque surface and no way to tell if its water or blood or grass or the player character besides color- let's make it even BETTER by having approximately 234 enemies on screen at once. This will be especially awesome when they play Red Riding Hood and get gangbang-style attacked by 7 lumberjacks at once, and since the player honestly cannot find RRH in the sea of pastel paint-like blood on the arena, they'll resort to just mashing the attack button--

DID WE MENTION THE ATTACK BUTTON IS THE RIGHT ANALOG STICK? AND WE WON'T BE INFORMING THE PLAYER OF THIS AT ALL IN GAMEPLAY? SO THEY'LL SPEND FIVE MINUTES TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT?

GENIUS, ISN'T IT!?

Also, after they defeat the first boss, makes sure the massive amount of loot he drops vanishes so fast they can only pick up a tenth of it. AND THEN HAVE THEM FIGHT THE BOSS AGAIN. FOR NO APPARENT REASON. WITH NO GAMEPLAY VARIATION.

And then we can laugh as they fall in the water and instadie for the nth time because the camera and perspective make judging distance absolutely impossible.

BEST. TROLLGAME. EVER. RIGHT?

-Lucy
luciazephyr: Book of the Still, the time traveler's lifeline (Default)
I am so sick of video gamer misogyny. I'm just as hardcore as the male gamers and the assumption that I'm not pisses me off. What do I need to do to convince people?

You wanna see my Super Metroid stats? Just over seven hours, about 65-70% completion. And that was my save-state-less run. My SS run was five hours. Oh, and I beat Fusion in about four hours.

You wanna hear from some of my old buddies how I kicked their asses at the original ZOE? I could speedrun that one too when I skipped cutscenes. I got it down to under an hour and a half before I returned the game.

I know the names. I love me some Kojima, I loved Miyamoto in his hayday. I can make fun of Tetsuya Nomura's design style just like you can and I think Koji Kondo was a better composer than Uematsu; Copeland was cooler than both of them. I lurk on OC Remix and I still remember how to play "Requiem of Spirit".

I watch speedruns and squealed with joy when I saw someone had posted an under-6-minutes TAS of Mario 64, finally managing to do it with zero stars.

Fuck, I learned to understand a story not from school, but from playing Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest at my friend's house. I'd read the words aloud and my friend's mother would tell me what it meant.

My friend Chelsea once told me I was an artist at platformers (she watched me play Sly Cooper 1 during a sleepover). I lower-level run JRPGs, I take pride in my completionist runs of platformers, I can own anyone at SSX 3 in both races and tricks, and I am getting pretty good at FPS games.

I've owned ten game systems in my lifetime: an NES, SNES, N64, PSX, two PS2s (an original and a slim), a NGC, NDS, NGC, and NGB (those old clunky bastards). Eleven if you count my PC. Soon to be twelve if all goes well and we get a used 360 for the holidays. (Prices are down to $175. That's with the hard drive. I KNOW RIGHT?)

So, in summary: In what way am I not a gamer, you sexist, generalizing motherfuckers?

-Luce
luciazephyr: Book of the Still, the time traveler's lifeline (Default)
I propose that Friday be International LJ Whine Day.

That's right, WHINE day.

Friday is the day where you get to whine about anything you want; wether it be that nobody liked your really cool story, or the fact that your boss is totally out of it, they're ruining your show, or that you've still haven't gotten that damn pony you asked for when you were four and still expect every birthday.

Friends-lock it or not, whine about whatever you want, even if it seems totally stupid or childish, even if it's not "nice" or "mature", whine. Post a fandom post and a real life post, just whine about the stupid stuff that pisses you off or the talents you wish you had or the fact that there isn't any boy porn on the teevee. Include pictures, voicepost, just whine it up!

So, prepare your whine and pass the memeage around.


Relatives )

Numb3rs )

Doctor Who )

Florida )

Commenting )

SGA )


I think that's it for now. Made do more if it occurs to me.

-Luce

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