luciazephyr | Why am I metaing about a character I have no right to meta about?

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Why am I metaing about a character I have no right to meta about?

So. RE5's ending. watched it again, this time on the Vidya² stream (which is ridiculously addictive, damn you

gogodgene).

So Wesker. WEEEESKAH! No, um. WTF Capcom? Okay, my RE history is a little iffy so far since I'm still researching it, but it seems to me you had a really great Big Bad in that scenery chewing flash bastard. And what's more, you gave him a pretty cool motive. Obviously he's Ozymandias turned up to eleven (or at least, I connect them that way in my mind) but his motive to force natural selection and evolution to resume for humanity was pretty interesting to me. Then, in the final fight, he...

I dunno. He goes from "I'm trying to save the world" to "RAWR, I'M GONNA KILL EVERYONE, THIS WORLD IS WORTHLESS". Now either Capcom conveniently forgot in the span of twenty minutes the cool little motive they gave Wesker or.... um.... Wesker's throwing a hissyfit. AND IT REALLY COULD GO EITHER WAY. HE LOOKS LIKE THE TYPE TO THROW FITS. But it bugs me. It sucks that Wesker finally died. I really liked him. :(

He'll be back though. He's gotta have clones of himself stashed somewhere.

Also, I had a totally awesome dream last night. It was a goddamn RE/MGS crossover. And had Wesker being awesome and beating up Chris and Snake at the same time, and I think he captured Hal to make him build something. I'm gonna extrapolate and say it was a cyborg Tyrant. METAL GEAR CHIMERA? OUROUBOROS? SOMETHING. IT WAS COOL THOUGH.

And now I wanna write it. Driving around today, my head has been formulating ideas. :3

-Lucy

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Maybe it's menopause. He may look young, but he's really getting up in the years.

Then maybe he just has alsheimers and forgot why he's in RE.

Watch

The next game, Chris is gonna have to push him around in a wheelchair in an elderly home filled with zombies.

I'm amazed it didn't happen with MGS5.

Wesker is too cool for a wheelchair. He should mount a solar powered jetpack on his back. THEN he'd stop fucking losing. :|

I have to admit, the idea of Chris visiting Wesker in a home and pushing his chair while Wesker rants about pseudo-biology and Darwanism is a hilarious image.

Okay so since I'm getting drunk atm I have to confess something to you

I have never played an RE game

EVER

I gotta confess something to you.

I've only watched the RE4 LP and played the RE5 demo. :p

Oh my oh my oh my

I thought you were gonna take advantage of me for a sec there

Where are the Wesker/Chris moments please sir, thta's all I care for

RE5 has a lot of goodies. And a lot of Wesker shouting "CHRIIIS" and Chris shouting "WESKER". Tres epic.

from now on

we're buddies

and you can take that to the in-debt politicallly corrupt American banks

I'M HAPPY. I FEEL LIKE ITS SOLID AND LIQUID ALL OVER AGAIN BUT WITH MORE RAPE AND LESS UNFORTUNATELY INCEST.

wait

I think i just heard something outside my room

ALAS! I did hear something

Chris he was there. He was saying "A WHOLE NEW WORLD..." and he was looking at the African sunset

a leopard sprang by

Wesker said "Don't you dare close your eyes" and point a gun at Chris' head

magic carpet was there

please write a fic along these lines. or I will.

.......

:incoherent noises:

I CANNOT HANDLE THIS LEVEL OF CRAZY. STOPPIT.

chris he was there on his computer. he clicked and clicked. he clicked so hard his finger fell off and he had to get it surgically replaced.

then, eureka! he sprang upon a site entitled "NCKFPOU". what was this new discovery? so he clicked.

three days later, it was finished loading. he had comcast. Chris' eyes widened wider than they'd ever widened before.

"NAUTICAL COLLEGE KIDS FOR PANDA OBLITERATION UNIT - NCKFPOU".

beta please beta please beta please

I'm cryng. I'm actually crying right now. My sides hurt from lulz. Omg, wut?

he couldn't believe his eyes. he stared, stared until his eyes bled. so he wiped them off with his venture bros apron. Dean Venture even came by to give him a pat on the back.

it had been since his training days with Wesker since he'd even heard the ominous word "PANDA". he thought back. back to his mother. back to the soggy ways the pandas had tortured and killed her.

---- this is a flashback ----

"you don't know what the pandas did to my mother!" chris shouted.

wesker looked at him without pity. w/out remorse. just unreadabilityness.

"tell me. i'm listening," he said while rearranging the songs on his iPod. he wanted to make sure Barbie Girl was on repeat.

"alright...if you're sure."

---- and now its over ----

I love the plot twist of Chris' past with pandas. Wesker is totally IC, and when you use words like 'unreadabilityness', my lit whore heart goes thump-a-thump.

♥

so this was it. the start of the yellow brick road. the rainbow with the pot of gold on the other side.

the begining of the end.

(^ lol that part was actually pretty good ^)

he phoned Wesker. he was in his 30's. a man now. he could - would - do this.

"hello" asked Wesker

"hi" said Chris.

"I'm giving a meditation class to a Preschool."

"so hot..." whoops! But Chris didn't mean to say that outloud! he hit himself in the head with the spatula! he always kept it on his desk.

"i'm gonna set on fire in a couple hours, what is this about?"

"pandas."

there was a pause. Chris could hear Wesker lick his lips very loudly on the other side. michael Jackson would be proud.

"what if I told you they're at my house"

Wesker was taunting with none other than panda juice. chris weighed the situation. but where else would pandas hide?

"hold on" said wesker

"what" said chris"

"carmen san diego is calling, brb."

"this is important!"

"do you want to know where in the world she is or not? tell me your decision when you're done decisioning."

and with that he hung up.

"hold on" said wesker

"what" said chris"

"carmen san diego is calling, brb."

"this is important!"

"do you want to know where in the world she is or not? tell me your decision when you're done decisioning."

If this were a real fic, I'd put it up for awards all over the place.

Oh gooooood.

SO LIEK I'MMA GONNA BE OVER HERE SHIPPING CARMEN SANDIEGO/WESKER NAO KK?

THIS IS A REAL FIC.

chris distracted himself. he made pancakes and played his favorite game - PENGUIN ADVENTURE. this game had taught him to love. to hate.

only one other thing had taught him to do that - Wesker.

he couldn't get the man out of his mind. so he sprayed the inside of his ears with a hose until he passed out.

when he woke up, he was in Wesker's mansion by the sea. on Wesker's 90 feet long/wide bed. the bed was as big as around 2 and a half basketball courts. it was blue and orange and black.

the kingdom hearts 2 sountrack was playing from invisible speakers.

"why am I here...?" chris wondered.

"that is precisely what i'd like you to think long and hard about, dear Chris." the voice was from a speaker.

'wesker?!' he thought

so he sprayed the inside of his ears with a hose until he passed out

I often use the same tactic when I'm lovesick too.

omg, a love scene set to Utada Hikaru is SOOOOOO ROMANTIC~

Also, a friend is also reading your magnum opus:

Lucia: refresh for great justice
Ellen: ;ldfjlk ........................
Ellen: :sob: THE BED. THE ROMANCE NOVEL BED THAT IS 400X GREATER BECAUSE OF COURSE WESKER COULD DO NO LESS.
Ellen: ALSO HE'S NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM LOL WIN
Lucia: HAVE YOU HEARD HIS VOICE? HE DOESN'T NEED TO BE.

that was when he saw it.

the furby.

pink fur, red eyes. there was no mistaking. leader of the pandas.

"me da no da..." it's voice echoed across the chamber.

"no..." whispered chris.

"now chris," wesker's voice came again. "i could make this easy 4 u. Or i could make this mindnumbingly not easy 4 u. it's your choice."

"...i thought we were sort-of-friends!" chris screamed.

"we are. which is why i'm giving you a choice."

"wahts"

"#1 you can keep screaming and defy me, etc. or #2 you can give in."

"i choose #2."

"you're smart. i might even take you to disneyworld if you keep this up."

"really?"

"no"

in any case, the furby was gone.

"sort-of-friends" is actually pretty accurate, I'd say. ♥

I KNEW the furby was the panda leader. KNEW IT!

"you're like a hamster in a cage," wesker's voice said.

"i like hamsters a lot," chris reminiscened.

he thought back. wesker had given him a hamster once. golden, with gold fur. it reminded him of wesker so he named it wesker. then he thought sick thoughts of it so he had to kill it.

down the toilet it went.

it was then that wesker appeared. he loomed over chris. it was dark and his smirk could barely be made out.

"i thought you were gonna help me w/ the panda bears," said chris.

"all in good time, chris. all in good time."

"oh, okay."

wesker put a hand under chris' shirt. then he raped him. chris moaned, wesker smirked, etc.

"ya you like it."

"yeah, basically," said chris.

but then. he looked to his side.

it was there.

once again.

the furby.

"oh wa." it spoke, staring at the 2 intently. very intently.

Ellen: THE PLOT GROWS EVER DEEPER
Lucy: HOW COULD WESKER SIDE WITH THE PANDAS
HOW COULD HEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?
Ellen: As it turns out, Carmen Sandiego is the leader of the furby rebellion. She controls his bank accounts. Thus, Wesker backs the pandas.
Also Barbie Girl rotted most of his decision-making ability skillzorz.
Lucy: That explains his cheap death in RE5.

Edited 2009-03-10 03:51 (UTC)

Chris got up he couldn't take it! he unsheathed his sword and shot the furby in the head.

it spoke no more.

death and defience spoke in it's palace.

wesker stared and noticed that chris had gotten harder than mount rushmore.

he stared at chris.

"jrhos" wesker spoke.

and that was all chris needed to cum.

"i was a virgin before this," chris said afterwards.

he looked at wesker and noticed he was gone. oh well. there's always a next time.

he ran from the bed, ran to Wesker's backyard. the waves creashed upon his naked body. it was wet. tainted.

he looked on. his expression hardered.

hardened.

hardened.

and then a red figure rose from the water's water. Carman San Diego.

"i see you found me" she spoke.

chris was apt to run. so he ran. he ran so far away.

carmen rushed after him, just as fast.

"run run as fast as you can," chris panted, "you cant catch me im the ginger bread man."

"why didn't you tell me?!"

chris smiled and stopped. so did carmen.

it was time he spoke the truth about himself...

WE KNEW IT. KNEW CARMEN WAS BEHIND IT ALL.

We are on the EDGE OF YOU SEATS for the epic conclusion. We must know Chris' secret!

~~'he unsheathed his sword and shot the furby in the head.' oh my goooood that is the greatest sentence ever.~~

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