these words are too solid, don't move fast to catch the blur in the brain that flies by and is gone

[luciazephyr]

So, this fic is killing me.

This chapter is packed with stuff. A lot of shit happens, both plotwise and with Snake's mental state. And at this moment I think I have it all crammed in there, but that's the thing; to me, it feels crowded, with every sentence stuffed to breaking in an effort to show what's happening in the battles, in Snake's head, with Snake's body, and with Hal (who is just difficult to pull off at this certain point, this flux between the two and which of them has control, etc).

It's so overwrought and I have no idea if it's just me having stared at it for too long or if it's actually just crap.

:face in hands:

-Lucy

Comments

[daniela-lynx.livejournal.com]

It's so overwrought and I have no idea if it's just me having stared at it for too long or if it's actually just crap. <-- Sometimes, it's good to have a second opinion for that cases. That's why having a beta-reader can be a good idea.

Another possibility is to split the chapter in two and rewrite/add stuff to give it the pace you're looking for.

You can do it! /o/

[firefly99.livejournal.com]

Show it to me if you think you can handle it.

[lucia-tanaka.livejournal.com]

I thought you didn't like beta'ing?

[firefly99.livejournal.com]

I don't, but I'll see what I can do.

[lucia-tanaka.livejournal.com]

I don't want to make you do something you don't enjoy. I've got someone to read it over for me, don't worry about it.