Well. For the first time in my life I'm considering antidepressants. I'm apparently reacting wrong to people and driving them away. I was under the impression no one in my family liked me, but it's less that and more of a weird language/intent barrier.

What I do know is that I've lost my joy completely. I don't want to read or write or even play games. I've been playing Skyrim for the last few days and it's not like it's fun, it's just something to kill time with. I feel completely isolated, unwanted, and incapable of doing anything. It's like... I thought the worst it could get was when I couldn't get a job or write or contribute. But now I've also lost the drive to do anything, and it's a brand new low.