Lucy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
luciazephyr) wrote2009-10-15 07:09 pm
luciazephyr) wrote2009-10-15 07:09 pm
these words are too solid, don't move fast to catch the blur in the brain that flies by and is gone
So, this fic is killing me.
This chapter is packed with stuff. A lot of shit happens, both plotwise and with Snake's mental state. And at this moment I think I have it all crammed in there, but that's the thing; to me, it feels crowded, with every sentence stuffed to breaking in an effort to show what's happening in the battles, in Snake's head, with Snake's body, and with Hal (who is just difficult to pull off at this certain point, this flux between the two and which of them has control, etc).
It's so overwrought and I have no idea if it's just me having stared at it for too long or if it's actually just crap.
:face in hands:
-Lucy
This chapter is packed with stuff. A lot of shit happens, both plotwise and with Snake's mental state. And at this moment I think I have it all crammed in there, but that's the thing; to me, it feels crowded, with every sentence stuffed to breaking in an effort to show what's happening in the battles, in Snake's head, with Snake's body, and with Hal (who is just difficult to pull off at this certain point, this flux between the two and which of them has control, etc).
It's so overwrought and I have no idea if it's just me having stared at it for too long or if it's actually just crap.
:face in hands:
-Lucy
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