In which I actually talk about the Matter of Chicago

[luciazephyr]

and I don't mean just apologizing for not having written more yet



So. MoC. It's was conceptualized by an idle remark Grene made in a reaction post back when Marcone's short story came out. Turned into my gateway into the fandom, which in turn lead to me meeting Grene the Wonder Beta, making a lot of amazing friends that have kept me going in rough times, and going to Actualfacts Chicago with Binz (aka: the greatest week of my life).

The problem is. That through various means, I think I've progressed a lot as a writer since I started writing it. I've learned how to keep my writing tighter, and how to handle flawed characters sympathetically.

At its core, MoC is equal parts Fix It Fic and primer to TDF. I've been told on many, many occasions that MoC has been a good infodump for people who are interested in the Dresdenverse but who hate the books. And I'm very glad for that. I like that role it apparently has in the fandom, even if I have to breathe into a paper bag sometimes when I think of the implications of that.

But as a Fix It Fic, it's.... oh so lacking. I mean, I try to avoid a lot of the worst skeevy shit through MoC (let's not play Ask Lucy Her Feelings On Proven Guilty tonight). But on the flipside? It's just as fucked up as canon.

Someone who's opinion I greatly respect abruptly called me out on a lot of the power imbalance issues of the story on Twitter, and dragged out a lot of things I fucked up on and was too blind to notice. That, in part, killed my urge to finish the story, because being told that the entire framework for your trilogy is fucked beyond repair kind of makes it hard to work up the willpower to finish.

Such is part of why MoC is so stressful for me. I have to divergent feelings about the story.

1. MoC's basic conceit is pretty fucked and in such a way I literally cannot repair it.
2. MoC is a learning process and a story I still want to tell.

And whether 1 or 2 has more sway over me changes from day to day.


There's so much I wish I could magically fix. My mental image of Marcone and his personality has drastically changed from when I started writing MoC, and writing MoC!Marcone is something of a hardship, compared to the canon!Marcone. In all honesty, I consider the Marcone from the Bakery AU to be more in line with canon than MoC!Marcone.

That is a WIP is another difficulty. The aforementioned person who ripped me a new one about MoC did so having only read it in part. Their assessment isn't wrong (no assessment is "wrong", see: Death of the Author) and it made it clear my authorial intent is weak at best. In my mind, other things the road to hell is paved with revolves around an unbalanced relationship. putting out your fires with gasoline is supposed to be the other shoe dropping, with Harry and John's partnership becoming more equal and John fucking up pretty much every goddamn thing possible. MoC3, the storm that lit the city takes place several years down the road and complicates things further.

But readers don't know that. The haven't seen the outlines. They just have my somewhat shitty writing to go off. When someone says something disheartening that I think I disagree with, I can't very well get into an argument with them about it. It's unfair to the extreme.

And yet, because I am a delicate fucking flower, it kills my muse anyway and stresses me out.


Complicated feelings aside, I do want to finish it. In fact, I really want to write the third book. MoC3 is fucked up and tackles just how far from the straight and narrow Harry has wound up over the course of MoCverse. And it has some prickly issues with John that I am dying to share, because just thinking about it makes me want a curly moustache to twirl.

It's just a matter of getting there. Working up the muse and setting aside the inherent issues of the story just to finish it.

So yeah. Those are my thoughts right now. Actual dictionary-definition ambivalence.

Comments

[killerkaleidoscope]

Because the internet is both vast and tiny, I've actually read the Avatar fic silentstep is talking about. It's very good worldbuilding, very good writing, and normally the kind of thing I'd read twice in a row and hope for more--but I never finished it. I quit following it at a certain point because though the plot was interesting and the writing technically proficient, I didn't care for the way the author interprets certain characters. Some of those issues might've been set to be fixed in later chapters--I did, after all, never finish it--but not all. Looking at the text, it was clear that me and whoever's writing that fic have different views of canon. And to that I say: whatever. Their opinion is not my opinion, and it's a basically harmless one so I don't care what they think and vice-versa. There's other fic in the sea.

We're fans on the internet reading and writing derivative works for nothing but the fun of messing around with discarded toys. You're writing something that resonated with you and a number of other people. I personally like the way your interpretation operates, but I can see where other people might not. In any case, you're not perpetuating anything hurtful, and operating under the assumption that people read what they like and don't read what they don't like... there's always the option of accepting that they don't like it and moving on.

As for me, I love MOC. It's a very slow-burn kind of plot, long patient story lines leading up to big payoffs. I like it that way; feels more real. I know the Dresden/Marcone relationship is ten kinds of fucked up but each of them individually is twenty kinds of fucked up and enjoy watching them grind the bullshit out of each other by degrees. I cannot beta fic that doesn't make sense to me from a character standpoint. MOC is a freaking joy to beta and a whole lotta fun to read. (I've gone back and reread it from start to finish a couple times by now. Comfort reading; it's funny and smart and sweet while also being, you know, a story about a ruthless mobster who bought a wizard's soul and isn't very sorry about it. It pings my Things I Enjoy buttons on all levels.)

If you set MOC down and never pick it up again, it's your prerogative as a writer with a life of your own and I'd throw you internet hugs for knowing your limits. If you pick it up tomorrow, or two months from now, or five years, I'd throw you internet hugs on basic principle and offer to beta. As ever, it's up to you.

[luciazephyr]

That's one of the biggest ways I've grown as a writer since I started MoC and got into this fandom, I think. I mean. MoC kind of exploded past my expectations. I'm still not sure how that happened, as I still consider LGI and Binz/Shiplizard the pinnacle of long-form fic in this fandom. So I think I used to stamp my feet and go "BUT BUT BUT YOU CAN'T SAY THAT, LOOK HOW MANY PEOPLE DIDN'T SEE [x] IN THE STORY!" And now I'm like "oh, man, I can't stop seeing [x] in the story, why did I do that?"

It's all just a matter of being more self-aware now? I mean, obviously I still have a long damn way to go in that aspect, but I think I'm better and still improving.


a story about a ruthless mobster who bought a wizard's soul and isn't very sorry about it

Hahaha, yes! That's what it's about, really, that and John warping Harry's own morals until they can work together, and subsequently how John's efforts have and will continue to explode in his face.

But, and the big but, is that it seems to be suffering from Twilight Syndrome? Like, people think that I think the MoC John/Harry relationship is an epic romance and healthy relationship? And. It's not! It's so not! It works for them, sometimes, but it was founded on Stockholm-y shit and such. I like their relationship, but only only in a fictional context, if that makes sense?


IDK. I'm feeling better and better about picking it up again now. I think I've been slowly winding back towards it, ready to bring a new set of eyes and ideas to it. I don't think it's going to die out.

So dust off your beta pen. 8D

[silentstep]

Re: Embers, I definitely know that her alternate character interpretations are things that turned off a lot of folk, and I can definitely understand why. She does, though, do a lot of fixing in later chapters-- I know that it still didn't work for a lot of people, but it is there. I remember being really disappointed in her view of Azula, who even when we got chapters from her perspective seemed to be really laying it on thick about doing things For the Evulz, and then later on [x] happened and we found out [y] and all of a sudden I'd be freaking out whenever she'd put Azula in danger and going "...there's something I never thought I'd say about Embers!Azula."

But even with all my love for it I can very much tell that it wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea. I just happen to like enough of the same things and characters the authoress likes to get along. So-- yes. Not trying to say something like "you should have read further", or something, because as you say, different opinions and so it is. Just confirming that yeah, she does do a lot of stuff with subverting early characterization issues. And it works for some and may not work for others.