Completely entitled, self-indulgent rant

[luciazephyr]

ETA: Seperis cures my self-pity.

We're fanfic writers, fanartists, vidders, we build websites, organize cons, and acquire skills in the pursuit of something that cannot ever make money, ever. It's barred to us by the law and we built a culture around it. We built a culture that is at its foundation based on acts of creation that have no purpose other than to give and receive pleasure and has no business application whatsoever. Christ, we can't even claim a higher religious, philosophical, or social purpose in the foundation of our creation, though I believe we are engaged in all three and more anyway, because that's like, pretentious and you know, making ourselves feel better about being total losers.

You know. It probably comes as no surprise that I'm proud of other things the road to hell is paved with. In just about a month and a half, I've written a ridiculous amount of fic and I don't look back on it and go "well, in hindsight I should have done this instead." No, I'm proud of it. I like what it's doing, where it's going, how it challenges me as a writer, and the absolutely insane amount of enthusiasm I've gotten in response to it.

And yet, when I explain what I'm doing to my relatives, the first thing they say is, "So when are you going to write your own story?"

Why does that piss me off so much? I just... I realize I am borrowing Butcher's world, but I have put so much goddamn work into plotting and making this all work, why isn't it my story? Why is the goal always writing a publishable story? I mean, I don't think I have the chops for original fiction, honestly, and all the good ideas are taken. Why can't this be fulfilling on its own?

Why is writing +76,000 words somehow unremarkable to my own family?

I don't know why this is bothering to the point it is (i.e. looking at the next chapter dully, not writing anything because I'm so annoyed about this). I'm throwing myself heart and soul into this story, I'm sinking hours of work into it, and as soon as I am asked what I'm doing, I reply, and am then asked why I'm not doing something else.

Sorry, I'm ranting and rambling, which is a fucking fabulous combination, lemme tell you. It's just that the disconnect between how blissfully happy my fic makes me with how meritless it is to my family kind of gets to me.


Okay, hopefully now I can get back to writing something worthlessworthwhile.

Comments

[polarisnorth]

For the record, I think it's awesome that you can write like that. I understand the difficulty in trying to convey what writing fanfic is like -- I've also got the "When are you going to write something of your own?" question, and it drives me crazy. It's definitely an accomplishment, though, and you should consider it one. *hugs*

[luciazephyr]

Thank you. I'm over my whingey bitchiness now, because yanno, even if my folks don't understand, I have a whole community of people here who do. And I'm okay with that. ♥ I am awesome and my folks are not going to take that away from me. 8D

[samjohnsson]

Could always point out that it's enjoyable to you. And if they're worried about profit, call it a first step towards writing something in one of the serialized arcs, like Star Trek.

tl;dr: ignore your folks. keep writing.

[luciazephyr]

Next time it comes up (and there will be a next time) I'll try that out. 83

sorry for the tl;dr. I think I'd better follow you now; otherwise this is just weird.

[cimorene]

Publishing or selling was for so long the measure of success of a writer that perhaps the relative worth of our open-source culture may never penetrate the consciousness of parents.

My dad's primary hobby has been in small press publishing since before I was born, and I'm pretty sure he was more proud when a fairly lame Web 1.0 zine "accepted" a story I wrote for middle school English class and "published" it by... printing it online for what, 10 people to read (if they wanted) than by my subsequent fanfiction accomplishments amounting to far more page views, comments, bookmarks, and recs. Even the story that was reprinted in a paper zine is less significant to him - despite the fact that a print Star Trek zine has greater circulation than many of the venues he'd urge me to submit the great Original Work to - because it's impossible to ask money for it (even though he frequently sells his work for pennies, even habitually makes a loss on his own publishing ventures). I've spent countless hours in the last 10 years reasoning with him about gift culture and the relative merits of writing what you want, writing as a hobby, writing in a community, writing in a shared universe, writing as social capital, and writing "for money" that's less than you could have made by skipping a bus ride and walking somewhere once. It never penetrates. Anytime writing comes up and there's an opportunity for him to give input, it's "You could write something ORIGINAL and try to SELL it - but I'm not trying to pressure you or anything!"

-_-

not at all, but welcome anyway! 8D

[luciazephyr]

When I posted this, I didn't quite realize that fannish culture and its different values were so foreign to the world at large. To the general populace, the idea of writing for fun and pleasure is just too new. I get the "well can you sell it" a lot. I think it's just weird to them that you can get something worthwhile but not marketable.

Re: not at all, but welcome anyway! 8D

[cimorene]

Yes, that seems to apply to writing particularly - I think the notion of writing as a hobby, without the intent to sell it, is a new and strange idea to most people! The image floating around in our culture from television portrayals is generally that people who write as a hobby do so with a more-or-less serious hope of selling the result eventually. I haven't tried it, but I bet that something like "No, it's a hobby for me" or "No, for me the exciting/fun part lies in sharing what I write with my friends" might get the the idea across (at least enough to stymie further questions).

[thene]

I just remembered I need to link you to this, kind of as a counterpoint to Seperis's post. Both good and useful but in totally different ways, mmm? How Fanfiction Makes Us Poor by

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I just remembered I need to link you to this, kind of as a counterpoint to Seperis's post. Both good and useful but in <i>totally different</i> ways, mmm? <a href="http://cupidsbow.livejournal.com/239587.html">How Fanfiction Makes Us Poor</a> by <username=cupidsbow site=livejournal.com>