luciazephyr: Book of the Still, the time traveler's lifeline (Default)
So sometimes at work, if you're working drive-thru, the local churches will have you pamphlets along with their money. It's polite to take them, I suppose.

I got another today. A few co-workers giggled over the typoes in it, then I tried to hand it off to someone, mostly 'cause God pamphlets make me giggle inappropriately and I don't like looking like an asshole to the people around me.

So... let's call her S. S comes up to me and looks at it and says I should save it for someone who needs saving. I, assuming she's joking (because, well, look who she's saying it to), sarcastically say, "What, like me?" "No, for someone without faith."

Suddenly things are less funny.

I repeat myself, hoping she'll catch the hint, "What, like me?" And she gives me THAT LOOK. Atheists know what I'm talking about, the one that's half surprise (ohemgee, non-Christians exist?!) and half pity, like we're some kind of idiot child that is so misguided and foolish.

"So are you an... agnostic?"
"No, I'm an atheist. That's why I was trying to hand off the paper to someone else."
"Oh. Well, I don't need it. I have God in my life. I'll pray for your immortal soul."

Dead serious. Fuck, I hate it when Christians do that. Especially since it hasn't happened to me in a long while so I've been getting along well with the religious fuzzywuzzies (to co-otp a Joss term). But I hate hate hate hate hate when they do that.

Listen. I do not need anyone to pray for my immortal soul. Honestly. I am not a bad person, really. If there is a God, he doesn't have any serious reasons to send me to Hell.

And here's the kicker. Here's the thing I think most of these "I'll pray for you" folk don't understand.

If God is willing to send a decent person to Hell because they don't believe in him, I don't want to go to Heaven anyway.

Let's say tomorrow God shows up on a TV call-in show. I will call and ask him where Douglas Adams ended up. If he says Hell, then I'm going to forget his existence and go about my life as if nothing changed. Because Douglas tried to be a good man. He was funny and insightful and climbed a mountain wearing a ridiculous rhino costume to raise money for charity. If he got sent to Hell, it's only because God is an egotistical fuck who can't handle people being skeptical.

So Yeah. To sum up this rant: If you pray to Jesus for my immortal soul, I'm gonna pray to the FSM that you open your fucking eyes and stop being a condescending twatwaffle.




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