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okay I feel better now
Oct. 28th, 2009 08:49 pmI hate when Mum rents games for me to play without asking first.
HERE'S A GREAT IDEA FOR A GAME
There's NO STORY. Not even a lick of VA work involved. And even though you have four characters to play as, the variation is purely cosmetic since, lacking any gameplay or personality differences, they are are just the most basic of palette swaps!
And as for gameplay, oh boy! Let's have EXTREMELY linear paths with no variation to them and punish the players for trying to climb on things by having them fall to their deaths a lot! And it can be FORCED PERSPECTIVE WITH FIXED CAMERA. Oh yeah, and since EVERYTHING IS SO COLORFUL and there are NO TEXTURES TO SPEAK OF, it'll be nigh-impossible to figure out where the player is on the stage until they find themselves magically instakilled.
Speaking of no textures, since everything has the same shiny opaque surface and no way to tell if its water or blood or grass or the player character besides color- let's make it even BETTER by having approximately 234 enemies on screen at once. This will be especially awesome when they play Red Riding Hood and get gangbang-style attacked by 7 lumberjacks at once, and since the player honestly cannot find RRH in the sea of pastel paint-like blood on the arena, they'll resort to just mashing the attack button--
DID WE MENTION THE ATTACK BUTTON IS THE RIGHT ANALOG STICK? AND WE WON'T BE INFORMING THE PLAYER OF THIS AT ALL IN GAMEPLAY? SO THEY'LL SPEND FIVE MINUTES TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT?
GENIUS, ISN'T IT!?
Also, after they defeat the first boss, makes sure the massive amount of loot he drops vanishes so fast they can only pick up a tenth of it. AND THEN HAVE THEM FIGHT THE BOSS AGAIN. FOR NO APPARENT REASON. WITH NO GAMEPLAY VARIATION.
And then we can laugh as they fall in the water and instadie for the nth time because the camera and perspective make judging distance absolutely impossible.
BEST.TROLLGAME. EVER. RIGHT?
-Lucy
HERE'S A GREAT IDEA FOR A GAME
There's NO STORY. Not even a lick of VA work involved. And even though you have four characters to play as, the variation is purely cosmetic since, lacking any gameplay or personality differences, they are are just the most basic of palette swaps!
And as for gameplay, oh boy! Let's have EXTREMELY linear paths with no variation to them and punish the players for trying to climb on things by having them fall to their deaths a lot! And it can be FORCED PERSPECTIVE WITH FIXED CAMERA. Oh yeah, and since EVERYTHING IS SO COLORFUL and there are NO TEXTURES TO SPEAK OF, it'll be nigh-impossible to figure out where the player is on the stage until they find themselves magically instakilled.
Speaking of no textures, since everything has the same shiny opaque surface and no way to tell if its water or blood or grass or the player character besides color- let's make it even BETTER by having approximately 234 enemies on screen at once. This will be especially awesome when they play Red Riding Hood and get gangbang-style attacked by 7 lumberjacks at once, and since the player honestly cannot find RRH in the sea of pastel paint-like blood on the arena, they'll resort to just mashing the attack button--
DID WE MENTION THE ATTACK BUTTON IS THE RIGHT ANALOG STICK? AND WE WON'T BE INFORMING THE PLAYER OF THIS AT ALL IN GAMEPLAY? SO THEY'LL SPEND FIVE MINUTES TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT?
GENIUS, ISN'T IT!?
Also, after they defeat the first boss, makes sure the massive amount of loot he drops vanishes so fast they can only pick up a tenth of it. AND THEN HAVE THEM FIGHT THE BOSS AGAIN. FOR NO APPARENT REASON. WITH NO GAMEPLAY VARIATION.
And then we can laugh as they fall in the water and instadie for the nth time because the camera and perspective make judging distance absolutely impossible.
BEST.
-Lucy
