and she said thank god it's fatal, thank god it's fatal and not shy

[luciazephyr]

Uncomfortable realization number one: I'm 21 and stuck in a place I hate doing a job I hate to pay for schooling that has yet to teach me a goddamn thing.

Uncomfortable realization number two: The only thing in recent memory that has brought me joy is the goddamn epic fic. And I don't have the time to write it like I used to thanks to said job and aforementioned useless schooling.


May this be the winter of my discontent, because I don't know what to do anymore. It's an endless fucking cycle. I have a job to help pay for my college with will hopefully help me get a higher paying job. Except just knowing I have to work tomorrow makes me want to scream into my pillow. And the more money that I don't actually have that gets sunk into my education, the more I just lose my mind because it's so expensive and I didn't have the money in the first place and I'm not fucking learning anything. What is the point of it? Out of the money that's been burned, what do I know now that I didn't before? That maybe it'd be interesting to write a character who is a tantric buddhist. That's it.

More and more I think about all that money I don't actually have going away, knowing I'm going to have to pay it all back later, and I just start to freak out. It's like I'm stuck in a hole and I'm just making the hole deeper.


I might possibly be freaking out. And the knowledge that I can't do a damn thing about it is what's really fucking with me.

Comments

[thene]

First year sucks. You have to study boring shit in order to get to the interesting shit. I failed most of mine and had to resit it in summer.

Even given that, though, it's a bind. I've thus far only ever used my degree to write fanfics (I studied the history and philosophy of science). That said, there ARE jobs I want where any BA will do as a prerequisite - I've been talking to an accounting major I know recently about how to get a job with the IRS, and she says you need either a finance/accounting degree or any degree plus some financial services experience, and I may soon have enough experience to apply for that kind of shit.

It's definitely better to get a super-employable major than not to, provided there's something specific that you're interested in (I didn't know that I was interested in accounting until after I finished college, sadly). Something that leads to a specific career like finance or teaching, or a business or foreign language degree, is safest, but if you're not interested any of those things, you can still end up with a decent job off of a humanities BA.

But the degree isn't the only problem; getting experience is, and it's difficult to do that in the current economy, and until you've got that experience it's hard to even know what to aim for. Could be worth looking for a new job, though. Most people I know who enjoy their jobs got into them by accident + opportunism, me included, (why the fuck can I only do the job I like for 3 months a year :/ ).

[luciazephyr]

I need a new job. I'm to the point where my current job doesn't just make me unhappy, it's sending me spiraling through some crazy fucking depression.

I just want to quit all my schooling, skip this semester, and start over with the summer classes. Have no idea how to even broach the idea with Mum though. I don't think we can, having used our student loans on paying bills already...

[samjohnsson]

Stick with this semester. I know it sucks beyond belief, but at least these classes will be done and you'll be that much closer to the fun classes.

[thene]

Just fyi: this is how hard employers can get burned for messing people around.

[samjohnsson]

I hear you so much on this. It's not just your freakout, love. I'm there almost once a year - I call it "March". And you're just in your undergrad. Wait 'til the post-grad.

I'm not saying this to discourage you. I'm saying this to let you know that this is something every student I know (at least, those who take their education seriously) goes through.

We're here for ya, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Trust us. ^^