be calm, oh be calm, I know you feel that you are breaking down

[luciazephyr]

What did you learn today, everyone?

I learned that my Grandmother thinks who I am is wrong.

• I am too opinionated and sensitive as a person.


• I should have been baptized and raised as a Christian.


• I mouthed off to a bestselling author and shouldn't have been surprised when my mother didn't want to talk to me about it--

No, that deserves it's own list because there is so much-- I never mouthed off to Butcher. I was calm and even if I flailed at Cyprinella, I never did to him. I kept my head even as I freaking out and getting close to hyperventilation.

And she would know that if she ever took an interest in the Butcher Incident. I offered to let her read the transcript twice. She said no. And now she's making bullshit assumptions about what I did and did not do.

And furthermore, I know my mother disagrees with me on the racefail. When I called her, I just wanted to talk to my mother because I'd just called out a bestselling author and I was feeling a mite bit shaky. I just wanted to talk about how scared and nervous I was, for fuck's sake.


So. I'm something of a mistake, it seems.

I called my mother and earnestly thanked her for raising me as she did, giving me the chance to be my own person, not forcing me into beliefs I couldn't consent to. I had no idea before tonight that it was such a close thing.

I'm probably going to just cry myself to sleep now. And I sure as fuck am never telling her I'm gay, let alone anything else about my beliefs. Just fucking no.


I can't believe that just happened.

Comments

speak truth to power

[thene]

I love the assumption that because someone is famous disagreeing with them amounts to 'mouthing off'. Kneejerk deference to celebrity is the in thing now? Keep at the whole society of equals thing, America, it's going great so far.



Just want to add; it might not have mattered at the end of the day. A lot of people get raised christian, even superchristian, and fail to end up that way (I am one of them; my mother always wanted to get ordained, even, but the fact that she died before getting a chance is one of many reasons I don't believe in any kind of omnibenevolence). You got out the sane way, though, seems like.

(Bit confused because I swore you said your family was Jewish...?)

Re: speak truth to power

[luciazephyr]

That one was one of the most painful parts because I tried to explain and offered to show her what happens, and she said no, she wasn't interested. Ah, but when it can be used at ammo against me, then she knows all about it apparently! Fuck.

I'm just so fucking relieved I wasn't raised in that (or any) faith. I don't like people who indoctrinate their children to religion. A child is not old enough to consent to something so life-altering. Why can't it be like sex or alcohol, where we wait a decent amount of time?

(It's complicated. Mum is a deistic Christian, as is half my family, but the other half is Jewish and that's the household I spent my early years in, so I identify strongly with them.)

[samjohnsson]

Dear, they're not informed on the situation, so any opinion they have is invalid. So you were in the right with Butcher, and you're in the right with your folk.

As for your grandmother, she was of a time people were raised to not have an opinion. And the Christian thing is a fight she needs to have with your folk, not you.

Know that, regardless, we are here for you when you need us.

[everbright]

I'm going to ME TOO on Sam's post above. I can't know how you feel about not being able share all of yourself with your Grandma, but I do know how your world turns up-side down when you learn something new and disturbing about your relatives.

It generally isn't really up-side down, in a few few days with some water and shoulder, and there are a bunch of us out here that have shoulders. Hang on Luce.

[schneefink]

That sounds awful. For what it's worth, you're a great person, absolutely no need to change, and definitely not wrong in any way, shape or form. *hugs*

[feikoi]

Oh, lovely, I'm sorry you're going through this. Being dismissed always hurts, but sometimes people don't think to apply that to how they treat others. I hope it helps to know there are a lot of us out here rooting for you. *hugs*