A thoughtful meme I highly recommend...

[luciazephyr]

A quick meme from thenateboy & fan_this: Ten Random Thoughts

1- I've read quite a few books. Not a ton, certainly, but the big ones that are widely accepted as required reading online. I find it very... odd that I'm more affected by certain fanfics than all the books I've ever read. Like... the first that comes to mind is trinityofone's Taunhauser's Gate (or however it's spelled), and Jenn's Running Through Water, miriam_heddy's Lachesis, and most of rageprufrock's more serious works. It makes me feel a bit wrong, that you can buy psychological/philosophical book for a pretty penny, but fanfic authors will rock your world for free.

2- There are certain fic authors who deserve to be paid for their work. Among them: Shalott, Jenn, Trinity, Pru, Miriam, Camilla, Nos', and a few others.

3- I think Kitanne is one of my best friends right now.

4- I hate the codes of secrecy we are all forced to live by online for our own safety. I'd love to have one of my online fen call me up on the phone and say "hey, I'm driving past you on my way to a con. Wanna grab lunch?" And isn't it worrying that someday, one of your FList buddies will suddenly stop updating, stop commenting, stop showing up in chat- go completely missing. If that happens, one of two things would probably happen. One, you'd worry and confer with mutual friends, trying to get wind of what happened (see: anything Danvers goes missing), but ultimately be unable to do anything about it. That leads to two, which is find new people and move on. The second one is rather disturbing to me.

5- I have a lot of grief over the loss of my first only family. It was a group of fic writers that wrote about each other. The 'Tribute to Music Clan' or T2M. We were not brilliant writers, but oh how we loved each other. Let's see... it was Taro MD, Nueva Yui Maxwell, Silver Raye Adams, Lance Waymire, Em, Emily, Tori Yuki Ichimura, Samuel McShannock, and... Andrew Joshua Talon. Oh my lord, my Talon. I was young, dizty, and kinda of idolized him at first. Then I just loved bugging him, teasing him, making him laugh and smile. He was, what, three years my senior? I think? He was cute, funny, and sensitive, and I fucked it royal. It wasn't all my fault. We just... wow, this sounds stupid in hindsight, but we discovered our belief systems. He followed the conservative mindset, and as you all know, I'm a hardcore liberal (actually, more of a radical than anything). Everytime we talked, it disintegrated into shouting matches.

6- They say you always remember your first love, because they hurt the most. Not really. My first love was a boy in my year named Stephen. Andrew was my second love. He's the one who keeps me up at odd hours of the night, wondering if he remembers that little girl who wrote him stories and threw panic attacks when he gave her his FF.Net password to update the info while he was away. I've grown. I know it. I'd like to talk to him again someday, to see what became of him.

7- I'm losing my mei-mei soon. I'm terrified about the idea of forgetting what her voice sounds like, just as I forgot what Andrew's sounded like.

8- I am also terrified of the future. I have big dreams of things I'd love to do. I am absolutely certain I will not accomplish any of them.

9- I have things I love about myself. I love the way I speak. It makes no sense, it's a mix-up of tons of different cultural bits I've picked up over the years. I change accent mid-sentence, say things like "yo", "ne", and "ya", and have to backtrack to translate myself into normal Yank English at times. On the other hand, I hate my weird attention span. I have more incomplete projects (stories, ideas, drawings, etc) than even the worst authors. I just make sure not to mention them to people so no one goes "say, wtf happened to that one thing you were doing?"

10- I have serious doubts that I'll have an intimate relationship with someone. I'm surprisingly okay with this.

-Luce

Comments

[th-esaurus.livejournal.com]

No. 8 is what I think about constantly, every single day.

[lucia-tanaka.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Best of luck to the both of us then, ya?

[fan-this.livejournal.com]

God, I think about #8 all the time too and I worried about #10 forever.

And #3? *hugs* Love you, babe! We have awesome fun!

[lucia-tanaka.livejournal.com]

You got past #10. You're very lovable. Me, I'm just... not sure I'll find someone. And that's actually alright. As long as I have my friends who love me, I'll be okay.

*hugs back* We do. I find our rambly conversations very relaxing and fun.

(ooh, dinnertime! *dash*)

[honeyswallow.livejournal.com]

Oh oh, 1!
A few days ago I thought exactly that when I was trying to buy a book (Haven't bought one in quite a while), didn't finde anything that interested me and ended up reading very good fanfiction - and all I had to do for it was leave a comment, the author was pleased and so was I :)

About 8 and 10 - Really luv, don't be that negative! I know how that feels, everyone feels like that, but occasionally. I'm not exactly a sunshine either, but I think it's... out there? Somewhere? Because you really want it. If you have a dream, whether it's love or fame or whatever, you may have to work hard, and it'll be scary, but there is something for each one of us.

And incomplete projects? *groan* Tell me about it.

[lucia-tanaka.livejournal.com]

I think part of the whole fanfic > literature is that you don't need too much backstory. You already know the characters, you can jump right into seeing the path they're gonna take.

8 isn't so much as being negative and being aware of my financial situation. And 10 is... okay. *shrugs* I don't have a huge problem with it.

[introductory.livejournal.com]

♥