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luciazephyrand I don't mean just apologizing for not having written more yet
So. MoC. It's was conceptualized by an idle remark Grene made in a reaction post back when Marcone's short story came out. Turned into my gateway into the fandom, which in turn lead to me meeting Grene the Wonder Beta, making a lot of amazing friends that have kept me going in rough times, and going to Actualfacts Chicago with Binz (aka: the greatest week of my life).
The problem is. That through various means, I think I've progressed a lot as a writer since I started writing it. I've learned how to keep my writing tighter, and how to handle flawed characters sympathetically.
At its core, MoC is equal parts Fix It Fic and primer to TDF. I've been told on many, many occasions that MoC has been a good infodump for people who are interested in the Dresdenverse but who hate the books. And I'm very glad for that. I like that role it apparently has in the fandom, even if I have to breathe into a paper bag sometimes when I think of the implications of that.
But as a Fix It Fic, it's.... oh so lacking. I mean, I try to avoid a lot of the worst skeevy shit through MoC (let's not play Ask Lucy Her Feelings On Proven Guilty tonight). But on the flipside? It's just as fucked up as canon.
Someone who's opinion I greatly respect abruptly called me out on a lot of the power imbalance issues of the story on Twitter, and dragged out a lot of things I fucked up on and was too blind to notice. That, in part, killed my urge to finish the story, because being told that the entire framework for your trilogy is fucked beyond repair kind of makes it hard to work up the willpower to finish.
Such is part of why MoC is so stressful for me. I have to divergent feelings about the story.
1. MoC's basic conceit is pretty fucked and in such a way I literally cannot repair it.
2. MoC is a learning process and a story I still want to tell.
And whether 1 or 2 has more sway over me changes from day to day.
There's so much I wish I could magically fix. My mental image of Marcone and his personality has drastically changed from when I started writing MoC, and writing MoC!Marcone is something of a hardship, compared to the canon!Marcone. In all honesty, I consider the Marcone from the Bakery AU to be more in line with canon than MoC!Marcone.
That is a WIP is another difficulty. The aforementioned person who ripped me a new one about MoC did so having only read it in part. Their assessment isn't wrong (no assessment is "wrong", see: Death of the Author) and it made it clear my authorial intent is weak at best. In my mind, other things the road to hell is paved with revolves around an unbalanced relationship. putting out your fires with gasoline is supposed to be the other shoe dropping, with Harry and John's partnership becoming more equal and John fucking up pretty much every goddamn thing possible. MoC3, the storm that lit the city takes place several years down the road and complicates things further.
But readers don't know that. The haven't seen the outlines. They just have my somewhat shitty writing to go off. When someone says something disheartening that I think I disagree with, I can't very well get into an argument with them about it. It's unfair to the extreme.
And yet, because I am a delicate fucking flower, it kills my muse anyway and stresses me out.
Complicated feelings aside, I do want to finish it. In fact, I really want to write the third book. MoC3 is fucked up and tackles just how far from the straight and narrow Harry has wound up over the course of MoCverse. And it has some prickly issues with John that I am dying to share, because just thinking about it makes me want a curly moustache to twirl.
It's just a matter of getting there. Working up the muse and setting aside the inherent issues of the story just to finish it.
So yeah. Those are my thoughts right now. Actual dictionary-definition ambivalence.
So. MoC. It's was conceptualized by an idle remark Grene made in a reaction post back when Marcone's short story came out. Turned into my gateway into the fandom, which in turn lead to me meeting Grene the Wonder Beta, making a lot of amazing friends that have kept me going in rough times, and going to Actualfacts Chicago with Binz (aka: the greatest week of my life).
The problem is. That through various means, I think I've progressed a lot as a writer since I started writing it. I've learned how to keep my writing tighter, and how to handle flawed characters sympathetically.
At its core, MoC is equal parts Fix It Fic and primer to TDF. I've been told on many, many occasions that MoC has been a good infodump for people who are interested in the Dresdenverse but who hate the books. And I'm very glad for that. I like that role it apparently has in the fandom, even if I have to breathe into a paper bag sometimes when I think of the implications of that.
But as a Fix It Fic, it's.... oh so lacking. I mean, I try to avoid a lot of the worst skeevy shit through MoC (let's not play Ask Lucy Her Feelings On Proven Guilty tonight). But on the flipside? It's just as fucked up as canon.
Someone who's opinion I greatly respect abruptly called me out on a lot of the power imbalance issues of the story on Twitter, and dragged out a lot of things I fucked up on and was too blind to notice. That, in part, killed my urge to finish the story, because being told that the entire framework for your trilogy is fucked beyond repair kind of makes it hard to work up the willpower to finish.
Such is part of why MoC is so stressful for me. I have to divergent feelings about the story.
1. MoC's basic conceit is pretty fucked and in such a way I literally cannot repair it.
2. MoC is a learning process and a story I still want to tell.
And whether 1 or 2 has more sway over me changes from day to day.
There's so much I wish I could magically fix. My mental image of Marcone and his personality has drastically changed from when I started writing MoC, and writing MoC!Marcone is something of a hardship, compared to the canon!Marcone. In all honesty, I consider the Marcone from the Bakery AU to be more in line with canon than MoC!Marcone.
That is a WIP is another difficulty. The aforementioned person who ripped me a new one about MoC did so having only read it in part. Their assessment isn't wrong (no assessment is "wrong", see: Death of the Author) and it made it clear my authorial intent is weak at best. In my mind, other things the road to hell is paved with revolves around an unbalanced relationship. putting out your fires with gasoline is supposed to be the other shoe dropping, with Harry and John's partnership becoming more equal and John fucking up pretty much every goddamn thing possible. MoC3, the storm that lit the city takes place several years down the road and complicates things further.
But readers don't know that. The haven't seen the outlines. They just have my somewhat shitty writing to go off. When someone says something disheartening that I think I disagree with, I can't very well get into an argument with them about it. It's unfair to the extreme.
And yet, because I am a delicate fucking flower, it kills my muse anyway and stresses me out.
Complicated feelings aside, I do want to finish it. In fact, I really want to write the third book. MoC3 is fucked up and tackles just how far from the straight and narrow Harry has wound up over the course of MoCverse. And it has some prickly issues with John that I am dying to share, because just thinking about it makes me want a curly moustache to twirl.
It's just a matter of getting there. Working up the muse and setting aside the inherent issues of the story just to finish it.
So yeah. Those are my thoughts right now. Actual dictionary-definition ambivalence.
(no subject)
Date: 2012-04-11 01:34 pm (UTC)I'm of the opinion that crit needs to be constructive, otherwise it has no place in a fannish setting. Calling someone out over something you don't like in their fanwork is not kosher. It's especially not okay when it's unsolicited, offered while the person is in the middle of their fanwork, and without having read all of said fanwork (which is what the person who killed my muse did). It's just not helpful or beneficial to fandom in any way.
/la la la rant about fannish economy, blah blah
I SO RELATE. That's one of the crits I got on MoC. That for it to work, Harry's personality had to change. Well. Yes? That's why it's an AU and not a canon story? If I was keeping everything the same, I could just ship people copies of the Dresden books.
also omg another Mass Effect fan. AAAAAH. GARRUS IS THE BESTEST. MORDIN IS MY BEST FRIEND. I HATE CASEY HUDSON WITH THE POWER OF A MILLION SUNS. 8D 8D 8D
You are right. They can be wrong. Sometime happened about two days ago that made me open my eyes on the person who gave me the negative critique on MoC. Her opinion is no longer valid because of something she did. It's been a shitty process, but now I'm more determined than ever to finish MoC, because I know what it's about and I know where it's going, and if she has a problem with the story, she can go read something else. If this post and the emails I've gotten in response to it tell me anything, it's that my readers are a lot smarter than she presumed, and I think y'all will like what happens when the other shoe drops on John Marcone. It's gonna be awesome.
So. Like. Thank you. For all the thoughts. I love reading what folks get out of MoC and squeeing over the meta surrounding it. MoC will definitely keep going-- I'm just in the process of moving to Florida, so it's slow right now.